My sister let her toddler destroy my gaming setup and told me it’s my fault for not baby-proofing it—and says she won’t pay me back. (Posted by you/ okay jelly6298.)

Hi Reddit. I’m 25F, and I’m honestly at my breaking point with this one. I need an outside perspective because my entire family is acting like I’m Hitler for standing my ground.

I’m a student software developer and a pretty serious PC gamer in my free time. I live alone in a one-bedroom apartment that I’ve spent years making cozy and functional. I saved up for a long time to build my dream PC setup—triple monitors, custom mechanical keyboard, ergonomic chair, etc. Altogether, my rig is worth a bit over $2,000, and I take care of it like it’s a damn child.

Last weekend, my older sister (30F) asked if she could crash at my place for one night because her apartment was being fumigated and her husband was out of town. She has a three-year-old son, Max, who’s… let’s say, spirited. I love him, but he’s a little chaos goblin. I hesitated, but she swore she’d keep an eye on him and that it’d just be for one night.

They showed up Saturday afternoon, and immediately it was clear she wasn’t kidding about Max being a handful. Within ten minutes of arriving, he pulled four books off my shelf, threw my houseplants on the floor, and spilled juice on my area rug. I tried to stay chill—he’s three, I get it—but I asked my sister politely to please keep him out of my office where my PC setup is. She rolled her eyes and said, “He’s just exploring. He’s curious. It’s normal.” But she closed the office door anyway.

Cut to Sunday morning. I wake up to screaming. Max had apparently woken up before his mom, managed to open the office door, and decided my setup was his new jungle gym. He pulled down one of my monitors, cracking the screen. He stuck crackers into the PC tower’s ventilation slots—I’m not joking—yanked out my keyboard’s keycaps, and colored on my chair with permanent marker. But worst of all, he poured apple juice into the tower.

When I tell you I went silent, I mean dead silent. My sister comes in, sees the damage, and just says, “Oh no,” in this incredibly flat tone, like someone knocked over a cup of coffee. I start freaking out, and she has the audacity to say, “You should have baby-proofed the room if it was that important to you.”

I lost it. I told her that, one, she knew he wasn’t supposed to be in there; two, this is my space, not a damn daycare; and three, baby-proofing a $2,000 gaming setup is not a standard requirement for adults living alone. She told me to calm down and said that he’s just a kid and stuff is replaceable. I told her she could replace it then. She said she didn’t have the money right now, but maybe in a few months she could give me a few hundred.

I told her that wasn’t acceptable and that she needed to take full responsibility. She left in a huff, and now my whole family is blowing up my phone. My mom says I’m being materialistic and should understand that my nephew didn’t mean it. My dad said I should have locked the door if it was that important. My brother actually said, “Why do you even need three monitors anyway? That’s kind of overkill.”

I filed a claim with my insurance, but there’s no guarantee it’s covered since it was technically guest damage. I also told her that if she does not pay up, I’ll take her to court for what happened. Now I’m getting texts from my sister demanding an apology for blaming her kid for being curious. I told her I’d drop it if she covered the cost of repairs and replacements, or at least met me halfway—and she blocked me.

So, am I overreacting if I take my sister to court over this?

Top/relevant comments

Commenter: As a mom of two myself, this is entirely unacceptable. You cannot expect other people to baby-proof for you. You cannot expect other people to watch your child for you. You cannot expect other people to just be fine with your child destroying their things. As parents, we’re used to having most of our things ruined by toddlers—thank goodness we are long out of that stage. But that doesn’t mean the people around you should expect it as well. The fact that she literally doesn’t even care about what has happened is mind-blowing. Maybe she’s just embarrassed and deflecting because this speaks absolute volumes about her parenting skills.

As for the rest of your family, I’m sure she is spinning this story differently, but screw them. They are showing you their true colors if you haven’t seen them before. Tell them they can all band together to get you the 2K you are owed by your sister. If you sue her, sue her for the full 2K and whatever dollar amount you are going to lose out on from not having a working PC. If you estimate and can prove you missed out on making $500 because you didn’t have working equipment, sue her for 2.5K. If it’s 1.5K, sue her for 3.5K, etc. People learn best through their pockets. Just make sure you can prove it was money you definitely would have made if you had your equipment.

Commenter Two: Your sister is a poor excuse for a parent. First off, she should have sat her little hobgoblin down and disciplined him for dumping books everywhere. When my daughters did destructive things—no matter their age—they were told no. Max is not learning normal boundaries and behavior. I would honestly just post the link to this on my social media and let the naysayers see what people think of your sister in them. My dog destroyed my friend’s shoes. She is fairly well-trained, but she is a retriever whose nickname is Wookie—she likes to retrieve shoes and eat them. I bought him a new $100 pair because that was the responsible thing to do.

Honestly, I think they are blowing it off because it’s a $2,000 gaming PC. But that is ridiculous. What if it was your work computer? Even worse, an irreplaceable family heirloom or an item from a deceased loved one? Good on you for not letting your sister get away with it, and screw all those enablers of her lack of parenting. Personally, I would block your sister and go no contact with all the people siding with her.

OP’s response: Yeah, I’m not ready to go full no contact right now, but I really appreciate your perspective. It’s definitely something I’ll keep in mind if things keep escalating and no one starts showing even a little respect for my boundaries. I just want accountability, not drama. But if they keep pushing, I won’t hesitate to step back. I don’t think I want to know my family if they can’t appreciate the work I put into my hobbies. Thanks for the insight.

Commenter Three: The real problem is that people with no integrity have no appreciation for the help they receive. She should 100% be on the hook, even if it means paying with a credit card. It’s 100% her fault for allowing this to happen. Also, what was she doing when he was trashing the apartment after ten minutes of arriving? Kids will be kids.

For your parents, go over and just start destroying things. Not really. I’m sure when they get upset, you can tell your mom to stop being materialistic. Your dad should have locked the door. Ask your brother why the house needs more than one of anything. Only then will they understand? Probably still not because they’re hypocrites.

Honestly, your sister sounds like a scumbag piece of crap. In part, it is your fault for allowing someone like that into your apartment. Why couldn’t she stay with your all-understanding parents? Weird. It’s not like she flipped a switch the moment she arrived. She was likely always a scumbag with this attitude.

OP adds an edit to her post: My sister still has not unblocked me, but her husband reached out to find out what happened. I’m sorry I don’t have more to share yet, but I’ll update again when I do. Seriously, thanks for the insights, everyone. My head is a lot clearer now.

OP adds a second edit to her post: My sister’s husband reached out, as mentioned earlier, and we’re working out a solution if possible. He’s been really understanding, as have all of you. Also, to clarify the office situation—my one-bedroom apartment is on the smaller side, 355 square ft. So the landlord converted an old ex-closet cabinet into a makeshift office. It’s weird, but the building is from the ’40s, and I guess they had to get creative with the space for an old tenant or something. So it’s off the living room. My sister and her kid slept there plus kitchen; I slept there plus the office. Thanks for all the support. I really don’t have the words for how nice people have been both in DMs and in the comments.

Update (5 Days Later)

Hey again. Just wanted to post a quick update since it’s been a little under a week and a few people asked what happened next. Things are better. Pretty freaking weird and still ongoing. But here’s where we’re at.

Last Saturday, my brother-in-law came over to check out the damage himself. He actually brought Max with him, which I was almost livid about at first, but he had a reason. He asked Max to try opening the office/closet door. The kid couldn’t do it. The door was too heavy for him. You probably can guess where this is going.

My brother-in-law offered to take my PC to the store that originally built it for me just to see what was fixable. I agreed, but asked for something in writing just so I had some peace of mind. We put together a little agreement that he’d be responsible for it while it was with him. Yeah, yeah—it was just a formality and would not hold much merit anywhere, but it helped me feel a bit more in control.

On Monday, he dropped it off at the shop and gave them my number so they could keep me updated. He also told me he confronted my sister about how things played out. I sent him my original Reddit post, too. He read the comments and apparently showed them to her. She still hasn’t unblocked me and, from what I’ve heard, was not happy about the fact that my brother-in-law is actually listening to me.

I also shared the post and some comments with my parents and brother since no one really believed me before. My parents still don’t fully get it, but they’ve at least stopped pushing back. My brother is more understanding now—though for some reason he mostly wanted to talk about how many people saw the post. I don’t think either of those three still care, really, and I’m fine if they see this. Do better.

Anyway, I went to see the PC today. The shop said it’s mostly salvageable. It needs a very, very careful internal clean, a few fans replaced, and some wiring fixed, but overall the main parts survived somehow. My brother-in-law told me he’ll cover the cost of the repair, no hesitation. When I brought up what my sister said about not being able to pay even $200, he said she’s lying.

He also said he’s not sure Max actually did all the damage. He thinks the door was left open on purpose or that my sister might have even done some of it herself. Based on the height of the tower and where the crackers ended up, it didn’t quite add up to a toddler acting alone. Apparently, she’s been telling him I have a gambling addiction—I did get a bit hooked on “Genchin” like four years ago, I guess—and that maybe this whole thing will wake me up, which is new. She used to be supportive or at least indifferent. No idea where that switch came from.

So yeah, that’s where we’re at. My PC is being cleaned up and fixed, and my brother-in-law is covering the cost. My sister still has me blocked and won’t talk to me. Still tempted to start something with her, to be honest—especially if she actually did all of this on purpose. Still not ruling out small claims court depending on how things go. Thanks again to everyone who responded to the original post. Seeing how many people understood what happened really helped me hold the line with my family when I felt like I was losing my mind.

One thing I’ve been turning over in my head lately is: what if my sister did do something to my setup on purpose? I don’t want to believe that. It feels like a stretch—but the more I think about it, the less so, I guess. Then I remember how she acted when I asked her to keep Max out of the office—the eye-roll and the “he’s just curious” comments, like she didn’t take any of it seriously. And now hearing from my brother-in-law that she’s been saying I have a crippling gambling/gaming/whatever addiction and needed to grow up… it’s just weird. She used to be cool about it. Never super into games herself, but she got that it was important to me. If something changed, I don’t know when or why. And if this was some weird way to make a point or teach me a lesson, that’s messed up. You’re not our mom. How about talking first instead of this?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the more I think about it, the less it makes sense that Max could have done all of that alone. It’s sick if she blamed her own son for it. So, yeah—not accusing anyone outright, but that thought is there now. And if you’re my sister reading this, which I’m guessing you are: I don’t know why you blocked me. I don’t know what shifted in your head about all this, but if you actually had anything to do with damaging my setup—whether it was on purpose or just through complete carelessness—screw you. You know I worked hard for that. You know what that rig meant to me, and you know I would never do something like this to your stuff. And if Max really did all of it on his own, I hope you’re paying closer attention now. Not for my sake, but for his. Read the comments on my first post again from other parents and people with younger siblings who clearly know better than you.

That’s all. Thanks for reading, those who did.

Top/relevant comments

Commenter: Wait, I thought the whole family was blowing up your phone telling you how mean you were.

OP’s response: Yes, a week ago—before my first post. Is there something I can clarify for you here? My sister was talking incredible smack about me to them, making it seem like I screamed at her child over a minor mistake.

Commenter Two: My guess: the sister is jealous that OP has a career, no children, and her own place where she gets to spend all her free time doing what she wants without anyone guilting her about it being a waste of time or questioning her priorities. This was her revenge. The brother-in-law has likely noticed some major discrepancies in his wife’s behavior, and OP is going to update at some point about how her sister is going to a therapist, and they’ve arranged child care or are putting their toddler into daycare so her sister can pursue hobbies. All in all, OP is likely not looking to be reimbursed because the things that truly require replacing—as opposed to the tower—aren’t that expensive for a software developer, especially if she buys secondhand.

Commenter Three: When she said “Genchin addiction,” I was expecting way worse—but $300 during COVID? Not even worth noting.

Second Update (2 Weeks Later)

Editor’s note: OP recapped her previous posts here, so I am fast-forwarding to the new information.

He even started questioning whether their toddler could have done that much damage on his own—especially after the kid couldn’t even open the door by himself. My brother-in-law thought maybe my sister left it open or did something herself.

Within a week of that, my brother-in-law confronted her and, in response, she kicked him out of the house. Full-on told him to get the hell out, packed up his things, dumped them, and left them by the curb. He told me she screamed that he was betraying her and taking the side of “that effing red t—ch,” meaning me. She also apparently accused him of conspiring and cheating on her with me to humiliate her publicly (which… WTF). She hasn’t let him see their kid since—no visits or phone calls. She’s gone full black-hole mode, completely unreachable, and has threatened to call the cops if he goes near.

She’s blocked me, my brother, even some extended family, and is only talking to our parents—who are still enabling her. But I think it’s only so they can keep Max at arm’s length. Meanwhile, I’m hearing rumors she’s been telling people I’m unhinged, psychotic, and that I made the whole thing up. She told one of our cousins that I lured her kid into the office like some kind of trap or setup.

I don’t know if this is postpartum-related or if something snapped, or if she’s just always been this vindictive and I didn’t want to see it, but I’m scared. Scared for her kid and scared for her husband. And yeah, I’m also scared for myself because if she’s willing to ruin her whole marriage and turn the family against me just to protect a lie, then what else might she do?

My parents want to keep it under wraps, but I know my brother-in-law wants to get her help. I want to get her help, too, but I don’t know where to start or what to do. What can I start with to possibly push her toward someone who can help her out? Has someone here dealt with a situation like this before? I feel helpless, as I know she is an adult and has free will, but I fear for her safety and my nephew’s safety as well. My brother-in-law voiced wanting to divorce her and told my parents he will get his son whether they approve or not. His side of the family is furious with mine, and I have no idea where I stand because—yeah—I guess I started this.

Top/relevant comments

Commenter: Sounds like your sister has never had to take personal accountability in her life and is doing her damndest not to start now either. Cut her off. Don’t stand up for her and don’t reach out either. Your brother-in-law should involve local authority/family court to get an order of protection and full custody until she’s cleared by a mental evaluation if at all possible. Have him get the ball rolling.

Third Update (1 Month 2 Weeks Later)

Hello everyone. It’s been a while, so I didn’t want to post this on my overreacting, but for those still interested in my situation, here’s an update.

The good news first: my PC is fully functional again. The store was able to recover it. My nephew is now in a safe and stable environment with my brother-in-law. Unfortunately, there have also been some difficult developments. My brother-in-law is currently in the process of separating from my sister. It seems I’ve essentially been disowned by my mother and now it appears by my father as well. The only one still in contact with me is my brother.

Thank you to those who have checked in or supported me during all this. It truly means a lot.

Top/relevant comments

Commenter: Good to hear things are fixed with the PC now. But that’s awful that you’ve been disowned by your parents. Why did they do that? Unless I’m remembering wrong, they were only in contact with her to have access to their grandkid. Sounds like you’re in the middle of a lot right now, so I won’t push, but I wish you luck. Just know that people are on your side and are praying for you.

OP’s response: Thank you. My parents have unfortunately been swayed by my sister’s lies. I guess I can say that she is of the mind that my brother-in-law was cheating on her with me and that we want to steal her son. I’m still trying to cope with what has happened—poorly—but work and studies keep me busy, thankfully, and to clear the air. Right now, I’m just taking it one day at a time.

Fourth Update (3 Months 1 Week Later)

Hey everyone, it’s been a long while since I last posted, and honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give another update at all. A lot has happened over the past six months—some of it good, some of it really heavy, and some of it that I’m still struggling to process. But I know a lot of you followed the whole thing from the beginning, and my direct messages have been full of so many awesome, supportive people. I feel as if I owe all of you a final update before letting this matter go.

First, the positives. My PC is alive and well and has been for a while. The shop did a miracle job restoring it, and it’s running beautifully again. It almost feels symbolic now—like after everything blew up in my life, at least this one thing that mattered to me is still standing.

I’ve also gotten closer to my brother-in-law—well, ex-in-law now, I guess—though it feels weird to call him that since he’s still family to me. He has full custody of my nephew, and that little kid is thriving. He’s calmer, happier, and honestly just a joy to be around in ways I didn’t even realize before. He turned four after all the court stuff ended, so we could have his birthday in peace. My brother-in-law has his own family helping him, and I’ve been pitching in too whenever I can. It’s exhausting at times, but I don’t regret a second of it. My nephew deserves stability, and my brother-in-law deserves support after everything he’s had to go through. Watching him step up as a single dad has been inspiring.

Now for the complicated part—my family. When things first went down, my parents were still on my sister’s side and I was basically the black sheep. But something happened during the legal proceedings that made them realize she wasn’t well and that I hadn’t been exaggerating about any of it. For the first time in what feels like forever, they stopped defending her blindly. They actually reached out to me, apologized, and admitted they’d been wrong. Well, kind of. But I couldn’t be asked to escalate it again. It’s been slow, but they’ve been trying to rebuild things with me. Part of me resents that it took them this much to finally see the truth, but I’m also relieved not to be completely estranged from my parents anymore. I’m still trying to decide what kind of a relationship they deserve to have with me after all of this.

As for my sister, I don’t even know how to start. During the custody battle, she completely broke down. A lot of stuff came out, including the fact that she had broken and damaged other people’s things in the past—friends’, her co-workers’ stuff—intentionally. She admitted she did it because, in her words, “my brother-in-law owed her more as the mother of their child, and destroying things was her way of making him notice her.” She also said something else that stuck with me—that when she broke things, she felt powerful. She said people underestimated her, ignored her, treated her like she was just a mom. But when she destroyed something, she knew she couldn’t be ignored. It forced people to react—and it sure did.

I know some of the people witnessing this in real time still pity her—which I don’t know how to feel about. Still, it explains so much of her behavior, not just with the PC, but with her marriage, with our family, and how she spiraled. She wanted to feel like she mattered, but instead of asking for help in a healthy way or seeking support, she turned to control and destruction. And when that wasn’t enough, she escalated.

Writing that out makes me feel so sad. Honestly, it’s like everything I suspected about the PC wasn’t just a suspicion. And to think all of this could have been avoided if she sought help or accepted going to couples therapy properly. Apparently, my brother-in-law had suggested it a few times to her, but she declined.

After she lost custody of my nephew, things spiraled fast. She had a complete breakdown, and long story short, she’s now in jail awaiting transfer to a psychiatric facility. I don’t want to go into every detail, but it’s safe to say it’ll be a long time before I see her again—or want to see her again.

And here’s the part I can’t quite make peace with. I feel bad for her. I know that might sound crazy after everything she put me through—after how she tore our family apart, and after what she did to her own son—but she’s still my sister. There’s this ache I can’t quite get rid of because I don’t know if the person she is now is who she always was, or if something in her just snapped along the way. I look back on our childhood and teenage years and wonder if there were signs that I missed, if there was some pattern of behavior I brushed off as moodiness or sibling rivalry that was actually something worse.

What complicates those feelings even more is everything that happened after my post started spreading. I never expected them to blow up the way they did. I just wanted an outside perspective because my whole family was gaslighting me, making me feel insane for protecting my own belongings. And then suddenly it was everywhere—on Twitter, YouTube, TikTok—even some news article was made about it. Someone tagged me to let me know that Smosh had even featured my story, which was surreal and honestly sort of humiliating in its own way, even though being noticed was kind of cool, I guess. Strangers were debating my family like it was some kind of reality TV show, and I had no control over it.

At first, I was grateful for the validation, but over time, it started to eat away at my conscience. Keeping my posts public turned out to be a mistake. I know hindsight is 20/20, but I regret not locking them down sooner. By the time my brother-in-law’s lawyer told us it would be best to hide everything, the damage had already been done. My sister had already seen the comments and the full force of the internet turned against her, and she hyper-fixated on it. That is not just me speculating either. One of our cousins told me she would rant constantly about it during the legal proceedings, always bringing it back to the post and how I had publicly humiliated her. Apparently, she would spend hours scrolling, trying to dig up my posts, looking for new comments—even after I hid them. It was like pouring salt in a wound, and she couldn’t stop picking at it.

I keep asking myself if I made things worse by letting it all stay up as long as it did—if I gave her more ammunition for her paranoia or if I pushed her further toward the breakdown that ended with her losing everything. Part of me feels like I failed her, like maybe if I had been more careful, she wouldn’t have spiraled so badly. But then another part of me reminds myself that it wasn’t the internet that broke her. It was something already inside her. The post didn’t cause her to smash my PC or to lash out at my brother-in-law or to neglect her own child. Those were choices she made long before Reddit ever came into the picture.

I realize there’s no point in deleting them. Even if I scrub my entire account clean, the internet never forgets. Copies are out there somewhere, archived and dissected on forums I’ll never even see. I can’t control that, no matter how much I might want to. What I can control is how I move forward—how I take care of myself, my nephew, and the family I still have.

The truth is, moving forward has been a mixed bag. On one hand, my daily life feels lighter without the constant chaos of my sister’s presence. I’m not coming home to find something broken. I’m not waking up to accusatory texts. And I’m not walking on eggshells waiting for the next outburst. That alone has been a kind of freedom I didn’t realize how badly I needed. On the other hand, there’s this strange emptiness where she used to be. Even if her presence was destructive, she was still there—part of the fabric of my family. And now there’s just this jagged hole.

My nephew asks about her sometimes. He doesn’t fully understand what happened. Of course, he just knows Mommy is sick and can’t take care of him right now. My brother-in-law and I try to keep our answers simple. But the truth is, I don’t know what kind of relationship, if any, he’ll be able to have with her in the future. I think about that a lot—because no matter how much I’ve been hurt by her, I can’t help but imagine what it’ll feel like for him one day when he’s old enough to learn the truth. How do you explain to a child that their mother did what my sister has done? How can it ever make sense to him?

I don’t know what to do when the day comes that either my brother-in-law or I have to explain what happened.

As for me, I’ve been in therapy since all of this started—recommended by some of the lovely people in the comments and in my direct messages. Thank you. At first, it was just a vent, but it’s become essential, to be honest. My therapist keeps reminding me that none of this is my fault and that my sister’s choices were her own; that I didn’t ruin her life by posting about the PC; and that it’s not my job to fix her. I hope to one day believe everything that my therapist is telling me.

As for my sister, I don’t know what the future holds for her or if she’ll ever get better—but if anyone else has problems like this, maybe be a bit more careful than I was. I spent the last months worrying I’d get charged with something for causing emotional turmoil over a Reddit post.

On a positive note, the stress caused me to get reconnected with an old hobby: retro electronics. Did you know the 3DS is considered retro now? I didn’t. I feel old. I’m the same age as Pokémon Crystal. Anyways, from now on, I will be focusing on graduating and working to help my brother-in-law pay off the debt that accumulated during the legal proceedings and investigation. But now that it’s over, it’s nice to know that at least for the coming months, things should be peaceful for me and those who matter the most to me.

Thank you to everyone who followed this from the beginning.

Top/relevant comments

Commenter: The only thing I can tell you is that you’re not wrong for feeling bad for your sister. This is not advice that you should forgive her—to be clear—but she was and is (debatably) an important part of your life. Feeling bad for her is normal empathy for your loved ones. I hope she finds a way to process her mental issues and is able to authentically and meaningfully make amends to you and your family. Regarding posting everything online—yeah, with the benefit of hindsight, it probably would have been better to delete the posts as soon as you got the insight you needed, but that seal is already long since broken. Deleting at this point is no good given how many times it’s been reposted and commentated on.

Commenter Two: It’s a very bittersweet update. It makes complete sense that people pity her and that you feel bad for her. We never know people’s true inner feelings. Try not to look for hidden clues you might have missed—it won’t do anything except make you feel guilt. Plus, that’s your sister who you seem to love at the end of the day. You don’t want to see or experience this. It’s okay to feel bad. Hopefully the psychiatrist does end up helping her. From what you wrote, it sounds like maybe she has some sort of complex that got more serious after motherhood—and pre/postnatal can really mess with the hormones and brain. Anyway, it probably just became a really bad and unfortunate cocktail. It also sounds like she understands why she’s done these things. While definitely not good results—and it’s not an excuse—it shows that she’s aware of the why. Not a lot of people can truthfully answer the why. I also give you kudos for stepping up with your nephew and also for going to therapy. Stick with it. Maybe look into family therapy with your parents, too. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. That’s enough crap for a lifetime. Proud of you. OP.