Bride ghosts me two weeks before the wedding for an impromptu bachelorette party with her college friends, then shows up a few days before the wedding and acts surprised—and angry—because she has no wedding to return to.

I (24M) was supposed to get married three days ago, but I had to cancel everything because Mia (24F), my fiancée, did something super messed up. She and I have been together for the past five years since we were in college, and earlier this year we got engaged. We were very happy together, and I had been super pumped about the wedding up until two weeks back.

Things changed all of a sudden. One morning after I woke up, I just found her gone—no note, no text, no explanation. Of course I started panicking. I tried to call her. I tried to text her. She didn’t respond. What’s worse, her phone was switched off for an entire day. I asked her family about it, but even they had no clue. When I reached out to her friends, they did not respond to me.

Initially, I thought she had gotten cold feet and made a run for it. But as time passed, I started to think that maybe something bad had happened. I was almost going to report her missing. Really late at night—around four in the morning—I finally found out what had actually happened and why she was missing. She didn’t even feel the need to inform me herself. I found out when one of her friends posted a bunch of pictures on Instagram—partying at some bar. Lucky for me, they had tagged the bar in their stories and posts, and when I looked up the place online, I realized it was in Spain.

I was furious. She was getting soused with her friends while I was worrying like crazy back here. I instantly texted her and told her that I had figured out where she was, and that if she didn’t come back on the next flight, the wedding would be off. I also sent her a really long message about how disappointed I was in her behavior—because she had literally ghosted me for a full day and hadn’t even had the common courtesy to inform her fiancé before taking off on some vacation with her friends. I was mad, and I didn’t bother to hide it in the messages I sent her.

Even then, she did not respond immediately. I had to wait until the next evening for her to finally call me back. It was one of the most disappointing phone calls I’ve ever had. When she finally called, instead of apologizing profusely and trying to fix the situation, she made everything much worse. That’s why I ended up canceling the wedding.

When I picked up the call, I was very cold toward her. She picked up on that tone. Instead of acknowledging what she had done, she instantly got defensive. She told me that her college friends had been planning this for her for a really long time and had only informed her about it after they’d paid for everything. She knew that the two of us had discussed bachelor and bachelorette parties before—and she knew I didn’t like the idea—so we hadn’t planned those. But a few days before the trip, when her friends contacted her and told her about it, she knew she “had” to go because it would be rude and inconsiderate to refuse after they’d made all the arrangements and even paid for it.

She had known about it for almost three days before the trip and yet hadn’t told me—and that made me even more upset. I started yelling about her behavior. Even then, she didn’t seem sorry and just kept getting more defensive. She told me that she knew for a fact that if she had discussed it with me I wouldn’t have agreed, and that’s why she absolutely had to hide it and leave. Apparently—whether true or not—she said she tried to contact me later in the day after she landed in Spain, but her phone had been acting up, and after that she “forgot” because she was hanging out with her friends.

It was crazy how something as important as informing me about her whereabouts could just slip her mind like that, especially when she was doing something so clearly wrong. For some reason she just couldn’t understand that what she had done was not cool and kept defending herself, saying she had only been with me ever since she turned eighteen and she “deserved to have some life experiences” before finally settling down with me. I had no idea what she was talking about. After a point I got really annoyed and told her I stood by what I’d said: I wanted her back on the next flight. If she didn’t come back, we’d be done. No wedding.

She told me she wasn’t coming back on the next flight because she and her friends had paid for a two‑week vacation and would only be coming back a few days before the wedding—and that I had to deal with it. Before I could respond, she disconnected the call. When I tried to call back, she didn’t answer.

I was very upset. I kept trying to text her for the next two days until I finally gave up—because obviously partying with her friends was more important than her fiancé and the wedding we’d been planning for months. I told her family everything. From what I know, they tried to contact her and convince her to come back as well, but she didn’t respond to them either.

Eventually, I did what I had to do: I called off the wedding. I didn’t make any formal announcements; I just reached out to everybody who had been invited and sent a message saying the wedding was off—and why. I also told them not to speak to Mia about it. I spoke to the vendors, took care of the cancellation charges, and figured I’d get the money back from her later. More important was teaching her a lesson. And that’s where I might have messed up.

Our parents weren’t happy about what I was doing. They wanted me to at least speak to her, wait for her to come back, and then discuss it. I wasn’t willing to do that, because I was so angry and upset.

For the record, we have never had problems like this in our relationship. Of course like any other couple we fight over petty stuff sometimes, but most of the time they’re insignificant arguments, easily solvable—and we do solve them. That’s why we’ve been together for almost six years. I had never felt that I was too young to be getting married or that I wasn’t sure about her. I thought she felt the same way. But when she said she wanted “life experiences” before she settled down, I felt really betrayed—and I worried I might have overreacted.

A couple of days back she finally returned from her trip and came straight home. I refused to let her in. She showed up in the evening and I didn’t even open the door. From inside I told her to go away. We argued through the door. She told me I couldn’t do this to her because we were supposed to be getting married in a few days, all the arrangements had been made, and I needed to speak to her and sort this out instead of acting immature. That’s when I broke the news.

I opened the door because I wanted to see her face. I told her the wedding had been called off—and that she had no right to act shocked because I had told her exactly what I would do if she didn’t come back. All I had done was live up to my words. She was shocked; she got upset; within seconds she was crying, telling me that after six years I couldn’t just dump her over “something like this.” She apologized over and over, telling me she was ready to do whatever it took—that she needed me to forgive her and marry her. It took a lot of effort, but I knew I couldn’t forgive her. I shut the door.

She kept crying and begging for me to talk to her for a good twenty minutes before she finally left. I know she’s staying with her parents right now. She’s completely shattered, and that makes me feel guilty. Her parents have kept in touch and told me she’s refusing to eat or come out of her room, asking whether I’ve agreed to meet her yet. They don’t say it, but I know both sets of parents think I’ve been too hasty and harsh. After yesterday I’ve been wondering the same.

Apart from the college friends on the trip, everybody on the guest list received my message that the wedding was off and why. Most didn’t respond beyond consoling me. A few, who were close to Mia, forwarded my message to her while she was out with her friends. She didn’t take it seriously. She thought they were bluffing to scare her into coming back.

Now, of course, she regrets everything. She’s been sending messages to everyone saying she’s sorry because she knows she let everyone down—especially me. Since I’ve blocked her, she can’t reach me directly, so she’s been telling others to pass along messages: apologizing, telling me how much I mean to her, how she’d hate to lose me forever, how she still wants to get married—even if we don’t celebrate it in the grand way we planned. She just wants to be with me; she knows she made a huge mistake; she’ll never repeat it again; she needs a second chance.

I’m paraphrasing; it’d be too much work to copy and paste everything. People have been forwarding her texts to me, and I don’t know why, but I feel really guilty—particularly after yesterday. I woke up on the day I was supposed to get married and it hit me hard. A relationship of almost six years—gone. People flooded my phone with condolences. Others kept forwarding her apologies. Some had nothing to add and were just texting hi. I felt empty. My world had been turned upside down in a couple of days.

I decided to talk to my parents to clear my head. They were upset too—emotionally invested. Naturally: Mia and I had been together for six years; we’d grown up together since nineteen. I thought my parents would comfort me, tell me I did the right thing. Instead, they didn’t say anything at first—then told me they didn’t think I’d done the right thing.

My world came crashing down. I already had doubts, and my parents saying they didn’t agree was the last thing I needed. Since then I’ve been in a weird mental state, second‑guessing myself. I haven’t even had the energy to talk to my friends. I’m lost and need unbiased opinions. So: AITA for canceling my wedding after my fiancée went on an impromptu bachelorette trip two weeks before our wedding and refused to come back when I asked?

UPDATE 1

Hi. Thank you to everybody who commented. It’s been four days since I posted, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I spoke to my parents about what they said and told them it hurt me. I didn’t think it was fair not to stand by me or comfort me. Instead they made me feel like I was the bad guy and I’d overreacted. After sharing my story, pretty much everybody in the comments was outraged on my behalf, so I really don’t think I did anything that wrong—and as my parents, they should understand best of all.

They heard me out, but they still didn’t seem to understand. They told me they had only said what they felt—which was the problem, because I couldn’t understand how they felt I was in the wrong here. My fiancée literally took off on a holiday without informing me and then refused to come back when I told her to. That’s a big deal. It’s not like I hadn’t warned her of the consequences. She knew I was going to call off the wedding if she didn’t do as I asked. I don’t even think my demands were unreasonable—especially considering we were supposed to be getting married.

Even after all this, how am I in the wrong? It’s baffling my parents don’t understand. They keep telling me they get that I’m upset, but it was still a really petty reason to cancel a wedding and break up a six‑year relationship. It wasn’t easy for me either; the least they could do is be supportive. They’re not. I’ve tried talking to them a couple of times and every time we just ended up fighting. I’m done trying to make them see my side. If they don’t get it, I can’t help it. They can keep believing I’m the bad guy. I know what I did and why I had to do it. Life has become very difficult these past weeks; I don’t need them adding to it.

Apart from them, I’ve also spoken to a couple of other people—mostly friends who kept forwarding Mia’s messages. As politely as I could, I explained I was already going through a difficult time and didn’t need them to keep sending me messages from her. It made things harder emotionally, so I requested they stop. I don’t care if I came off heartless; I just wanted it to stop because all those messages made me feel obliged to talk to or meet Mia—and I’m not ready. I’ll do things at my own pace, not because people are pestering me.

Most people apologized and stopped; a few of our common friends attacked me after I asked them to stop passing on messages. They started calling me self‑centered and told me I was destroying a relationship purely on an ego trip. These people have known me for quite some time. If that’s what they think, I have nothing to say. If my own parents can misunderstand me, I don’t have the right to expect anything from “friends.” When they started attacking me and trying to guilt‑trip me, I didn’t argue. I blocked them and moved on.

Right now, everybody seems to think Mia is the victim and I’m the heartless control freak who dumped her because she refused to come back from a trip on my terms. It’s shocking that even after knowing the entire story people still have sympathy for her, because I had mentioned all the details in my message about canceling. I guess I’ll never understand, but it doesn’t matter anymore. The bottom line: the relationship is over. I’m not getting married to this girl. I’ve started to make peace with that—and it’s better everyone else tries to do the same.

UPDATE 2

It’s been two weeks since I last spoke to my parents. Since our last fight, they haven’t tried to contact me. I don’t mind. If they don’t see my point, I can’t help it. Most others who were passing on Mia’s messages have also either given up or been blocked.

A couple of days back—shockingly—the friends she went on that trip with contacted me out of the blue. Of course I had blocked all of them when I blocked Mia. They hadn’t tried to contact me since—didn’t have the guts—until now. They reached out by email, saying they were really sorry about everything that happened and that they realized they shouldn’t have made such a hasty plan and roped Mia in. They admitted they should have given her good advice instead of egging her on to ignore what I said and keep enjoying the vacation. I don’t know if they were actually apologizing or digging a deeper grave for her, because realizing they encouraged her not to come back when I asked—and told her not to reach out—made me feel worse.

I don’t care what they said or did. I found it pathetic that Mia—a grown woman—allowed herself to be misled into a situation like that, ruining what we had for six years over one stupid trip. She’s not a teenager who has to give in to peer pressure. She knew what she was doing, and it made me so mad I didn’t even read the rest of the email. I deleted it. I didn’t care for their apology; the rest would just be the same old crap telling me to forgive her or at least talk to her. I didn’t need to hear that from them. If they were real friends, they’d have cared about her relationship and advised her to do the right thing. They didn’t. I don’t need to see or read anything they have to say.

Besides, it’s too late now. I’ve started trying to move on and have accepted the relationship is over. The last thing I had to do was inform her when she could come by to collect everything she’d left—that would be the final closure I needed. I’d been waiting because I wasn’t ready, but last night I finally contacted her parents and told them she could come by anytime this week in the evening to collect her things. They tried to get me to speak to her while I was on the phone, but I hung up before that could happen. The last step I needed was to tell her to take her things. Now that I’ve done that, I don’t think I need to talk to her anymore. I’m done.

UPDATE 3

Today Mia finally came over to collect her things. I knew it would be difficult, so I had mentally prepared for the worst—but thankfully it wasn’t that bad. I’d contacted her parents almost ten days ago so she could come over any evening that week, but more than a week passed before she finally showed up.

In the meantime, her friends realized I hadn’t read their email and started texting me from a burner phone. They skipped all the rubbish and cut straight to the chase: Mia really missed me and would do whatever it took to fix our relationship—if I would just speak to her. They were begging on her behalf. I blocked them again. After trying from various numbers for a couple of days, they finally stopped.

For the past five days, I hadn’t heard anything from anyone. Then last evening Mia’s parents called and told me she would be coming over today to collect her things. Surprisingly, they apologized for everything that had gone wrong and said they wished things had worked out differently—but this is how it is and we all have to deal with it. That was shocking to hear, and I guessed maybe Mia had finally accepted what was happening.

She came over a couple of hours ago with her dad. I restricted myself to the guest room instead of the living room so I wouldn’t have to see too much of them while they packed. It took about an hour and a half to finish—of course, we’d been living together for four years and had a lot of stuff.

After they were done, her dad left the two of us to speak in private—because I’d asked for it. I didn’t have anything specific to say; I just wanted to say goodbye and get closure. It was awkward. She started to cry. She told me she was really sorry it had to end this way and wished she’d been a better partner, but it was too late to change things now. Seeing her cry, I started tearing up as well. I didn’t want that, so we quickly hugged, wished each other the best for the future, and she left.

After she was gone, I cried for about an hour before I could pull myself together—but I needed that. I needed to see her one last time and end not on such a bitter note as last time. It’s still not a good note, but not as terrible as I expected. I wouldn’t say I’m happy now, but at least I’m content that I got some closure. Everything hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. I’m still pretty young and have a lot to look forward to. I’m going to throw myself into work and try to keep myself distracted and move on.

UPDATE 4 (One Year Later)

Feels weird posting an update almost a year after I was supposed to get married—but looking back, it was a good decision. I’m doing a lot better now. In the beginning it was very difficult: I wasn’t on speaking terms with my parents, and the person I’d pretty much decided to spend my life with was no longer with me. My mental health took a hit. With a few good friends, I started getting back on my feet. I started going to the gym. I started working and—yes—partying equally hard. I also started therapy a couple of months after the breakup. Since then I’ve come a long way. I wouldn’t say I’ve completely healed, but I’m definitely dealing with everything better.

My parents and I still haven’t spoken; they’ve even blocked me everywhere. I guess they’re too egoistic to admit I made the right choice for myself. That’s fine. I don’t expect better, and I don’t really care, if I’m honest.

Mia and I hadn’t spoken and I kept her blocked—but funnily enough we ran into each other at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time. It was awkward; she was out with co‑workers; I was with friends. I was considering leaving when she walked up to my table and said hi. She made an effort to be nice to me, and so did I. It was…pretty good. That’s why I’m writing this update now—because I remembered how badly I was doing around this time last year, and right now I’m pretty content with the life I have.

Stay tuned for more stories from our boy, Relationships.