My adoptive brother’s Golden Child publicly disowned me, but now he needs me to babysit his clingy baby, so I refused, and now suddenly I’m a valued family member — posted by you/ Pink monsters saw.

I (20F) was adopted when I was 16 by my half-brother and his wife, who were in their late 30s at the time. They already had six children when they adopted me, but it was never an issue. They have treated me like their own kids since they met me and later adopted me, as did all their other kids — except for one: their Golden Child, who is only four months older than me. We’ll call him Chad.

Chad has always been an insensitive jerk to literally everyone, including our other siblings. He would get into fistfights with our older sister, say horrible and mean things to everyone, and get away with it. He also had extreme anger issues that caused broken doors, holes in walls, etc. He got to do everything my sister and I were never allowed to do — got a free car, could go out at night, etc.

When we were still in high school together, he stood up in front of our entire class year and told everyone I wasn’t his sister and never would be. He then told me in front of his friends that I would never be a part of his family and I should just get over it, then walked off. This wasn’t a one-time thing. He kept doing this until he moved out, and I stopped seeing or talking to him.

Golden Boy once again got the family’s attention after he got married right after our high school, moved to his wife’s family’s house, and then had a baby — the first grandbaby. Since this happened, I have stayed as far away from him as possible, only seeing him for family pictures every year because our mother (my half-brother’s wife) asks.

Recently I decided to tell our mom about what he said and did because she was upset about how I was distancing myself from him. She basically pulled the “that’s still my kid and it’s my first grandbaby” card as her reason for not being upset over it. I didn’t really care, to be honest. I knew it wasn’t going to change her mind about her kid anyway.

Out of nowhere, I got a message begging me to come babysit for them because “you’re the only one who can deal with these kinds of babies because no one will help.” Apparently, they are weaning their kid off breastfeeding, and the baby is extremely clingy because of that and because the mom is a germaphobe who has basically isolated this kid since birth. It has literally only been held by about six people since it was born.

They know I don’t sleep much because I’m an insomniac with ADHD and I’m also not bothered by crying. For some reason I can sit for hours with a crying baby and it doesn’t bother me. I can’t tell if that’s a blessing or a curse at this point.

My sister is mad at me because apparently they haven’t asked anyone else in the family for help but me, and everyone wants to go see this baby. Am I the jerk for not wanting to be around or take care of the baby because its father said that I’m not part of his family?

Update — one day later

I want to say this: I read everyone’s comments and it made me feel much better knowing my feelings about this whole situation are valid. I wanted to give an update, though most of you may not like it.

After I posted, I ended up talking to two of my friends from high school. They were actually there on multiple occasions when Chad publicly said all that stuff. I talked with them for a while. One of these friends actually came over almost weekly when I was still living at my parents’ home, so she understands my family firsthand. We talked, and we all mutually agreed: I’ll go this once, see if we can’t mend things, and if not, I can tell my mom and sister that I tried and we’re done with the whole thing. If the negative behavior from my family continues, I will cut them off for good.

So I agreed to go babysit. I went over to Chad’s house around 8:00 p.m. As soon as I showed up, I was greeted by Chad’s wife, who was extremely happy to see me. She was tired — you could just tell. She had the “I have a one-year-old” look going on. She talked to me for a few minutes about how glad she was that I came over, how excited she was to go out with Chad. I just kind of listened to her go on and on before she finally got to the baby — let’s call him Seth.

She explained his night routine, feedings, etc. — nothing too big. Then she mentioned how he had been having crying fits at night and wouldn’t get to sleep until mid-morning. I was a bit unsure about that, but all babies have different routines, I guess. She then said they would only be gone about four hours and would be home around 12:30 or 1:00 a.m. at the latest.

After this, Chad came out from their room, started talking to his wife, looked at me, and then just kind of looked me over for a minute, giving me a small wave and nod before heading out of the house. His wife followed and simply told me to call or text if I needed anything.

For a minute I was just stunned. But then I went to see Seth. It was a bit odd because it was my first time seeing him in person and not just in the photos hanging around our parents’ house. In person he is the cutest little baby ever. He was fine the whole time, and he only cried because no one was in the room — not because of the weaning.

By this time it was around 11:30, almost midnight. I kept checking the clock every few minutes to see what time it was. When 12:30 rolled around, I thought, should I text them? Then I decided to wait a few more minutes before texting. I ended up messaging both of them at 1:00 a.m., asking where they were since they had said they’d be home by now. I got no reply from either of them.

They finally showed up at 3 in the morning. I was livid at this point — not even over having to take care of Seth for a longer period of time, but just because they never texted me back. Like, what if there had been an emergency or something?

They walked into the living room, and I said, “I texted asking where y’all were and no one answered.” Chad’s wife started saying, “Oh, Chad said it was fine and that it would only be an hour more.” I replied, “You know what, it’s fine. Whatever. Seth is sleeping.”

She looked at me all weird, and I rolled my eyes, saying, “It’s not the weaning that’s making him cry at night. He gets lonely. He’s clingy. Just let him know you’re in the room when he starts crying and he’ll go right back to sleep.”

I started to walk out with my stuff, and just as I was about to walk completely past Chad, I turned around and said, “So you’re not going to say anything to me after I looked after your kid for like seven hours?”

He snorted at me and said, “No. My wife is the one who talked me into this anyway.”

Pissed off at this point, I said, “So this wasn’t — I don’t know — possibly a way to apologize for high school, or maybe all those other times you decided to outcast me from the family? Because I was under the impression that maybe you wanted to patch things up, considering you asked me of all people to watch your kid.”

He sat there for a minute and then just said, “Why should I apologize? Because literally nothing from high school has changed. Man, you really do need to grow up and understand that me and my wife aren’t going to cater to you like Mom and Dad did just because you’re adopted. You aren’t our family and you never will be.”

At that point, I just got in my car and left.

I ended up texting my mom about all of it, thinking she’d see it in the morning when she woke up. But of course she was awake. Apparently, she had told Chad’s wife about the conversation we had about all the things Chad had said and done to me in school. Apparently his wife felt bad because she has an adopted sister, too, and felt horrible that Chad had done and said all those things. Mom didn’t know about Chad asking me to babysit until now, and she started talking to the wife, who is now upset — she thought Chad would have changed since then and didn’t expect him to act the way he did when I left.

I told my mom that I’m done with him and that if something ever happened with Seth I’d be there, but I was done with them until that happens. The way things are going, I will most likely be cutting my whole family off because this isn’t worth the stress anymore.

Second Update — 1 month later

So it’s been a while since I last updated on the whole Chad situation, mainly due to the surprising fact that my family — my mother and sister — haven’t been bugging me as much lately. The first day or two after the interaction with Chad was a bit hectic. Both of them were blowing up my phone trying to get me to talk to them. Mostly my mom was making excuses for Chad, while my sister was basically just telling me to get over it.

I ended up telling both of them in texts and over the phone that I was over it and that I would be cutting myself off completely from Chad and his little family. This sparked some anger, but soon my mother went quiet and later my sister did too.

After that, everything seemed to be going pretty well for a while. That was until a week later when my sister showed up unannounced at my apartment, demanding that I take the blessing of getting to be around Chad’s sheltered child when no one else seemed to be able to. She was basically acting like it was some huge honor that I was asked to babysit. I almost snapped. I wanted to call her a b*tch and tell her to get off my property and not come back because I was just so sick of it. But I didn’t.

From my doorstep, I told her that if she wanted to see the baby so badly she could just go over and see it herself. It wasn’t my issue to deal with. Then I slammed the door in her face and watched her leave.

It’s been radio silence for a while now — until earlier this week. I was scrolling on Instagram when I noticed that my oldest brother, the one I get along with really well and who supported me about cutting Chad off, and his girlfriend of four years (who is the same age as me) are now engaged and had posted pictures of the proposal. I noticed the post had been made last week, but no one had told me — not even my mother.

I texted my brother’s girlfriend asking her about everything that was happening. She was surprised because my mother had said she had told everyone in the family about the wedding. She then told me they would be holding a family meeting at my parents’ house to discuss wedding plans. I said okay. The meeting was set for today around dinner time.

I showed up, walked into the house, and noticed that a lot had changed decor-wise. My parents had our family photos all arranged around the living room, along with a few frames with multiple small photos in them. I noticed they had replaced several small photos of me specifically, swapping them out for new pictures of Chad and his wife as well as my older brother and his girlfriend. Where there were maybe six photos of me on the walls before, there were now only two — a baby picture and my senior year high school photo, both in the hallway, not even in the living room.

I ignored it and didn’t say anything. After a while everyone showed up — except, of course, Chad, for whom my mom made the excuse “he wanted to spend time with his baby.”

They all started talking about the plans for the wedding — basically who would be the key participants. I tried my best to listen and take in everything my brother’s girlfriend was saying. I noticed that by the end of it all my name was literally never mentioned in any of the main plans. I wasn’t included at all. I started to question why I was even there if I wasn’t going to be part of the main plans for the wedding. I was kind of like, why not just send me an invitation then?

I went home and texted his girlfriend asking about what had happened at the meeting. Apparently my mother had told her that I wouldn’t want to be involved in any wedding stuff, claiming it wasn’t my thing. She described me as unfeminine and said I wouldn’t enjoy doing anything bridal because I’m not girly.

She then told me that everything was set in stone now: my older sister is going to be a bridesmaid, my little sister is to be a flower girl, my younger brother will be the ring bearer, and my other younger brother and Chad will be groomsmen. And apparently my mother also told her that because of what happened with Chad, I shouldn’t sit at the family table but at a guest table instead — I will just be another guest at the wedding.

I didn’t really say anything back because it hurt. It hurt that my mother would say that about me — that I was unfeminine and that just because I don’t do a lot of girly things in my spare time, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy or be part of something like a wedding or being a bridesmaid. I can’t believe she would say that about me, to be honest.

I don’t know if I’m even going to go. The wedding is scheduled for the end of the year. It sounds stupid and petty, but this hurt me. It hurts that I’m being outcast most likely due to Chad once again. And as I’m typing this, my sister is texting me about how she’s helping plan all the bridal stuff. Honestly, I’m going to leave it here for now because I don’t even know how to feel, if you know what I mean. I might update in the next day or so — whenever I feel up to it.

Edit: I don’t even know what to say. I didn’t expect to update again so soon, but I just got the news from my older brother’s fiancée: Chad’s wife is pregnant again.

Third Update — 3 months later

It’s been a minute since I updated. I would say it’s because everything is going great, but I’d be slightly lying. Things have only mildly improved for me since the last update.

I have moved even farther away from my parents since the last few updates — partly to hopefully start the process of cutting them off from my life. This has helped a bit, but not enough to actually make me feel any better. Mostly my mother still chooses to bother me, even showing up at my new place with only a moment’s notice.

There’s no update concerning the wedding. I’ve only received an invitation through the mail. I’m not going to press it anymore. I’ll go, but I’ll most likely leave after the ceremony and not stay to hang out with anyone.

The situation with Chad has only progressed in that, over a group chat, they announced they won’t be having any kind of gender reveal or baby shower — they just said they’re having a girl. I don’t want to be rude, but Chad’s wife made a big deal out of Chad randomly making her get up and go for an ultrasound to find out the gender. She acted like she really didn’t want to do it. Apparently they went to one of those fancy ultrasound places where you get detailed models of the fetus and high-tech ultrasound pics.

Chad also announced that he’s going to college now and asked for a $1,000 loan — which they gave him. They’d always emphasized that they’d never loan money to any of their kids. My stomach turned when they happily gave him the money, especially since they wouldn’t lend me $20 for school books when I was in college. They refused to help me get into college at all. I muted the group chat.

I also found out that my sister may have outed me to my mom. I came out in high school as bisexual with a preference for women. This didn’t go well, to be honest, as my mom responded with, “I have a lesbian cousin who is married to a woman,” followed by a homophobic story about how her friend traumatized her in college by taking her to a gay bar where she got hit on by another woman. Not great. My brother believes that my attraction to women is trauma-based because of the abuse I faced from our biological father. My heart was broken when all of this came out — realizing they truly wouldn’t support me and would only lie to my face about being uncomfortable with my life.

I basically promised myself that I’d never tell them if I had a female partner, hoping to spare both my feelings and my partner’s feelings in the long run. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to think of them looking me in the eyes while holding on to these beliefs about my lifestyle.

I fear my sister has told our mom about me dating a woman now that I’ve moved farther away — something I never did while living with them. I noticed on my girlfriend’s Instagram that my sister had liked one of the pictures of me and my girlfriend. My girlfriend, after hearing all of this, supports my decision not to post pictures of us, as she knows my family follows me on Instagram. She hasn’t tagged me in any photos, so my sister must have been looking through my friends list.

Not even a week after the photo was liked, I had to see my sister in person for something, and she started making awkward comments about my dating life and whether I was seeing anyone. I only said “maybe” and left it at that.

Two days later, my mom showed up at my front door with store-bought cookies asking if there’s anything I want to tell her. I brushed her off and didn’t say anything. She left and hasn’t said anything else to me. A few hours later, my little brother texted me asking if I told Mom about me dating because apparently she’s going crazy and his dad is just telling her it’s a trauma response. I haven’t told anyone about me dating, so clearly someone told her — especially since they’re bringing up that I’m dating a woman.

I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do at this point, as I’m trying my best to cut them off. My girlfriend is telling me not to think about it too much and that we can get through it together. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without her right now, as she’s the only one keeping me sane through this transition.

This update isn’t anything grand, but it’s something. I wish I could fully say that my life is getting better, but it’s really only improving at a snail’s pace at the moment. All I can say is thank you to everyone who has been supporting me throughout all these updates. Everyone’s input has helped me see how messed up my family’s treatment of me has been and how I shouldn’t let them continue to control my life and invalidate my feelings. I hope to update after the wedding in a few months.

Fourth Update — 11 months, 2 weeks later

It’s been a really long time. I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I’ve updated or posted anything on here. Life has really taken over, and I can’t believe how long it’s actually been. One of my friends who knows about my post recently told me that apparently my posts and stuff had hit TikTok. I was surprised when they told me about the huge reactions I was getting over there. I honestly never thought anyone would actually be interested in any of this stuff. I thought I would just post and leave — that no one would care about my messed-up feelings and family.

But apparently not, and I’m back to give you guys an update. I do want to go over some things that I have been seeing people say, and I kind of want to address them.

First, I’ve seen a lot of people thinking and saying that none of the other kids knew I was their blood half and that their parents kept them in the dark. That is not true. They knew before they even met me what was up. They were only going to foster me until I aged out; if the kids were not okay with me being adopted, Chad lied, I guess, when this was discussed. I don’t think Chad liked me from the very beginning, and that’s why I ultimately think he lied. Maybe it’s because he wanted to mess with me mentally so that he could bully me. Chad was a bully in general.

I also finally feel confident speaking out about what happened. My biological half-brother never met our father. His mother was a substance addict who got pregnant with him as a minor and eventually lost rights because she was drinking, doing illicit substances, and not taking care of him. Our father was also a substance addict who was abusive. He beat me and my mother for years. Sadly, my mother took her life in front of me when I was 14. If that wasn’t enough, my father was also dying of stage 4 cancer, so I was taken into DCFS custody and put into foster care. I spent almost three years there before I was fostered by my half-brother and his family and eventually adopted. My father died four days after my 17th birthday.

I’ve also seen people saying, “Why did she keep going back?” It’s simple: because, from going to therapy, I know I have abandonment issues. I don’t have many friends and I don’t have a great support system at all. I thought that I could somehow ride out — stupid as that sounds now — the issues my family was putting on me and it could somehow be fixed. Now I see that I can’t. I can’t do anything because they are all set in their own ways.

I also know that a lot of people are dead set on me pulling the “bio half-aunt” card, but I don’t feel like doing that. I was raised beside them as equals. I never wanted to be held to that extreme of being an aunt. I just wanted to feel like a normal kid — to have siblings when I was given the chance. Just because Chad is a jerk doesn’t mean I should pull the bio half-aunt card. The other kids see me as a sister, and I feel joy hearing my little siblings call me “sis” or “big sister,” and even the oldest calls me his sister. I love calling them my little brother/big brother and big sister/little sister. I’m not sorry if anyone else has a problem with that. The only villains in all of this have been my half-brother, his wife, Chad, and his older sister. All the other kids have never said or treated me any differently.

Now let’s get to the update. I did go to the wedding, and it was beautiful. I ultimately got seated with some family friends, but one of my little brothers and his girlfriend ended up switching the seat names and sat with me as well. It was an amazing ceremony. I did end up ignoring my older sister for half the night after the ceremony.

Chad immediately walked off for a few minutes, ripped off his tie, and went to his wife. Surprise: she didn’t have Seth or their other baby, whom they named Emily, with her. I don’t want to sound rude, but Chad’s wife dressed extremely down — while most people were wearing suits and nice dresses, she wore a tacky cactus-themed dress. This was a really expensive wedding — the kind of out-the-rear expense level. We were told ahead of time to dress extremely nicely for this wedding.

I wish I could say that everyone making a huge fuss about the table seating was right. I comically wish I could tell you guys that I went bat-crap crazy and just started, you know, threatening people and stuff, throwing tables, making a scene. Well, I can’t, but it might shock you (or maybe not) what happened next: Chad and his wife go, “Well, we would love to stay, but we have to get home to the kids. We left them with [wife’s mom’s name], who now lives with them, and we should just head home to be safe.” And then they just walked away from everyone. Everyone was shocked for a good hour. Once we all started to be seated in the dining hall, they didn’t even say goodbye to the bride or groom before just walking off and leaving.

Mind you, it was a 30-minute drive to the venue, and the wedding had only been going for about an hour (which they were late to anyway — they showed up about 20 minutes before the ceremony started). They didn’t even stay for the speeches or food, let alone dancing. My feelings were a bit mixed after that. Although Chad wasn’t around to ruin the rest of my night celebrating, it still put a bit of a dent in it.

I spent the night having fun with new friends, eating and talking with my little brother’s girlfriend, and finally drinking and dancing on the dance floor. Overall, it was a great time.

I have since parted ways (kind of) with my half-brother, my mom, and my sister. My sister has tried to make small attempts to mend our relationship, though I still don’t know if I will ever forgive her for outing my relationship to her parents when it was clear it wasn’t a good idea. We occasionally text each other and send random memes and videos. It’s something, I guess.

My biological half-brother has made it very clear that he is still extremely uncomfortable with my lifestyle. I can’t really hold a conversation with him anymore, as he makes things very political and controversial. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even ask him, “Hey, what shows have you been watching on TV?” for small talk without him going on a borderline homophobic rant because he can’t stand LGBTQ+ characters in shows or even movies. I have since borderline blocked him.

Mom is the same as she was before. I think she tries to block out most of me. You know how people will look at you with dead eyes, like they aren’t even there, when you talk to them? That’s what it’s like talking with her half the time. She still makes an effort to talk to me and keep up with everything I’m doing, but I’ve slowly grown more distant from her as I no longer want to continue with the way she makes me feel and her negative aura. Something about her just no longer makes me want to be around her.

Chad and his wife have made no effort to talk to me again, though I don’t care much anymore. I haven’t blocked him since he hasn’t tried to call or message me. I will simply try to ignore him if he does. I haven’t seen Seth since I babysat him, or met Emily. I doubt I will — and as bad as it sounds, I don’t care if I ever do. I am not his family, so I don’t care anymore.

I want to say a quick thank you to everyone who has been supporting me throughout this whole thing. In a sad sense, I want to tell you all that this will be my last post — at least, I hope. I am now in therapy and I am living the best life I can. I want to hope that I will never have to deal with Chad again and that I won’t have to deal with most of my weird family, but I know on some level I might have to. My therapist says it may take years for me to overcome a lot of the feelings and emotions I have toward my entire family. I am only hoping that one day I can truly sort out my feelings about this family in general. I might update in a few months when we have family pictures. Until then, I will be trying to continue the life that I have started without them constantly in my ear.

Edit: Putting it out there — I maybe talk to any of them two to three times a month at most. I am currently working to cut them out at my own pace. My therapist and I are working on this; therefore, as I do read comments, I won’t care if anyone continues to comment about me not leaving or cutting them off completely. Both that and this arc in my life have caused me trauma, and I am working on myself under the guidance of a professional for my own mental and physical health. I’m going at my own pace. Thank you.

Fifth Update — 9 months, 2 weeks later

Sorry if this update is a bit bland — I mostly just came on to give a bit of an update. I haven’t been on this account for a while now, and honestly not much has happened besides me cutting off most of my family at this point — something I admit I’m very happy about. I cut off everyone except my biological brother’s wife, who I only talk to about once a month over text. That has been the hardest relationship to cut off for some reason.

One of the biggest situations to happen recently is the main reason I was finally able to cut people off. The entire situation was very petty and honestly stupid, in my opinion. My older sister (the one who used to harass me by coming over to my apartment unannounced) apparently found out that — get this — I have pronouns in my Instagram bio. She decided to randomly start harassing me over text about it. She went on a long homophobic rant, calling me demonic and the devil, saying I was possessed by demons — all over having pronouns, which I’ve had in my bio for years. I honestly knew then and there that I had to cut her off if she was going to continue harassing me.

In the whole conversation, it was almost like she was having some kind of religious psychosis. She used “demon” and “devil” a lot, and even brought up my friends (who she doesn’t even know), so I shared the text with them. My friends actually ended up blocking her on social media because the way she was acting was so concerning. She also blamed me for having a relationship with her, saying I never should have reached out to her dad and become a part of their family, because apparently my life choices affect her and her family. It was paragraphs of religious rants like that for a good three hours — until I blocked her.

I also have moved and live nowhere near any of these people anymore, which is why I think it’s so crazy that she acted as if anything I do even affects them, when I don’t even live in the same town nor do I talk to or interact with anyone they, as a family, associate or have friendships with.

For anyone wondering — yes, I did end up putting a restraining order on her. I basically told her all my feelings about the situation she has put me through over the past few years. She did not like that one bit and said, “I’m not going to read all of that because you’re just trying to gaslight me and I’m not going to fall for that. At the end of the day, I just feel sorry for you.”

At that point I was just tired of her and blocked her, along with anyone who knows her — including my sister-in-law (the one whose wedding I went to) — then privatized all of my social media. It’s been almost four months without hearing a word from her, and it’s been so peaceful. I don’t regret it at all.

As for everyone else, I still talk to my younger brother over FaceTime occasionally, but unfortunately I don’t talk to the younger kids. I cut off my older brother and his wife, too — let’s just say I was done with them. I found a bunch of unsavory posts they shared on social media, and I don’t feel like having that in my life. Chad and his wife and kids — I don’t even know how long it’s been since I’ve heard from or seen them. Nothing.

Besides that, I have moved pretty far away from them to a whole new county. I had hoped to move with my girlfriend to a new state, but we couldn’t afford it yet. Moving as far as we could from them has still helped overall. I’m now doing online therapy with my therapist, and I’ve been slowly making progress. I don’t know if this was the update you wanted, but here it is.

I’m really happy with where I am right now. I can’t wait to be completely free from these people for good. I’m so happy with my girlfriend. My girlfriend doesn’t know about this account or that I’ve been posting any of this, so she won’t ever see this. I’m hoping by next year we’ll be able to move out of state, and when we’re settled and ready, I want to ask her to marry me. I think she’ll say yes. I can’t wait to start our life together as more than just girlfriends. We are so happy. I’m so happy. Thank you to everyone who has stuck around. Maybe I can post in another year or so with even more happy news. I’m hoping that the next time I post I can say she actually said yes.